Again, I’m sitting, head in hands. I’m begging into thin air for direction, for calling. For grace and heaps and heaps of it.
Wes and I talk in circles about Uganda and Kenya and poverty and money and business and purpose and work and children and why in the world we’re really here. Don’t we all want a profound calling? A deep, heart-thundering purpose?
We struggle over and over to wonder how we can make ‘a living’ without throwing our lives away. We only get one life, only one.
Again, I’m on my face asking for a light on the path – where do I step? Which way, Lord? The shepherd, He leads. But we aren’t given a map. We’re given a hand to hold and a whisper to follow.
My soul forgets over and over the truth I already know and again, I remind my slow self why I’m here and what He tells us about these days. Even through the winds of uncertainty and the question marks overhead – God is sovereign. He holds the pen and He is writing a beautiful story.
It’s mucky and messy and full of unknowns, but it is holy and profound and every season is shaping us. Even when we feel small, so, so small – in surrender, we grow taller still. When I’m sitting at the kitchen table doing second grade math (again) and snapping K’nex together so they can simply be torn apart – even then, He is sovereign and He is writing. He is writing and He is molding.
Again and again, we will fall down and beg for direction and purpose and light on the path. And again and again, we are shaped and changed if we push into our Heavenly Father. We will continue to pray the where and what and when and how?
Love makes you mad… and I chase God like a young girl runs after her first love. I’m like a crazy person grasping and flailing for firm feet and a straight path. Always trying to find His heart in a loud, loud world.
Again I will fail, and again He pours grace, and again I am changed and again I long for more of the same crazy process. Again I thank God for the moments and whisper ‘love’ in the darkness. Love is the highest goal.
Purpose, direction, the big plans? God’s got it covered. We just need to bow and be faithful in the everyday little. The little that is actually very, very big.
Again, I breathe deep.
Yes, His yoke is easy. Cling to Him in all things, every day, every moment. Seek His face, and He promises, He will bring rest. Even in the crazy, His peace will come. Again and again and again…
Written for Five Minute Friday, linked in HERE.