Again, I’m sitting, head in hands.  I’m begging into thin air for direction, for calling.  For grace and heaps and heaps of it.

Wes and I talk in circles about Uganda and Kenya and poverty and money and business and purpose and work and children and why in the world we’re really here.  Don’t we all want a profound calling?  A deep, heart-thundering purpose?

We struggle over and over to wonder how we can make ‘a living’ without throwing our lives away.  We only get one life, only one.

Again, I’m on my face asking for a light on the path – where do I step?  Which way, Lord?  The shepherd, He leads.  But we aren’t given a map.  We’re given a hand to hold and a whisper to follow.

My soul forgets over and over the truth I already know and again, I remind my slow self why I’m here and what He tells us about these days.  Even through the winds of uncertainty and the question marks overhead – God is sovereign.  He holds the pen and He is writing a beautiful story.

It’s mucky and messy and full of unknowns, but it is holy and profound and every season is shaping us.  Even when we feel small, so, so small – in surrender, we grow taller still.  When I’m sitting at the kitchen table doing second grade math (again) and snapping K’nex together so they can simply be torn apart – even then, He is sovereign and He is writing.  He is writing and He is molding.

Again and again, we will fall down and beg for direction and purpose and light on the path.  And again and again, we are shaped and changed if we push into our Heavenly Father.  We will continue to pray the where and what and when and how?

Love makes you mad… and I chase God like a young girl runs after her first love.  I’m like a crazy person grasping and flailing for firm feet and a straight path.  Always trying to find His heart in a loud, loud world.

Again I will fail, and again He pours grace, and again I am changed and again I long for more of the same crazy process.  Again I thank God for the moments and whisper ‘love’ in the darkness.  Love is the highest goal.

Purpose, direction, the big plans?  God’s got it covered.  We just need to bow and be faithful in the everyday little.  The little that is actually very, very big.

Again, I breathe deep. 

Yes, His yoke is easy.  Cling to Him in all things, every day, every moment.  Seek His face, and He promises, He will bring rest.  Even in the crazy, His peace will come.  Again and again and again…

Written for Five Minute Friday, linked in HERE.


  • Sarah Penner

    Just stopped in from Five Minute Friday and am I ever glad I did. What a fantastic post!! I love 'Love makes you mad… and I chase God like a young girl runs after her first love. I'm like a crazy person grasping and flailing for firm feet and a straight path. Always trying to find His heart in a loud, loud world.' I want to grasp onto my first love and always chase Him! Thank-you for the wonderful reminder!
    ~Sarah from http://sudryandspecific.wordpress.com/

  • Anonymous

    When I find my self in the uncertain seasons of life I try to meditate on John 10. He is the Shepherd and we are the sheep. It isn't the sheeps job to figure everything out for themselves. It is their job to stay close to the Shepherd and trust him to lead. Unfortunately, I find these words much easier to transcribe than to live by.

  • anita

    Lovely. All these years I have chased and there is still so much more to know. Daily He teaches me lessons while I homeschool these last two boys who are no longer small,love this man who like me is growing old, battle in this world of flesh. Floundering over and over, I reach and He pulls me up. You have tested and tasted Him and you know He will come through….just keep trusting.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.