Another flyer arrives in our little mailbox and my heart pounds. Advertisements for pillows and vases and more Spring-like STUFF haunt me. They haunt me while I pray for a young boy in Uganda who wants only to be healthy.
And we say we care. We care about the poor. We care about the sick. Oh yes, we’re Christians! Of course we care about people. Really?
I’m realizing that saying I care and living like this consumer-driven world tells me to – is just plain lying. God is doing something in my soul, whether I want Him to or not. And I’ve come to this point where a simple flyer makes me almost nauseous.
I read a blog post about another boy in Tanzania. He lives in a mud hut where he barely has the basics for survival, yet, on the walls of his humble home he boldly paints “Psalm 23”.
This boy, who to most of the world has nothing – knows this truth – when the Lord Jesus is your Shepherd, you truly do have everything you need in this world.
I breathe out and the tears come. Again. They come often these days. But, I am the most at peace I’ve ever been in my life. I truly am. Yet my soul is uneasy. But I think our soul ought to be uneasy in this messed up world.
The scripture says it, TEST everything.
So, I’m testing myself and I’m testing this culture. So many of us live life wanting the next thing – always the next thing… the more, the bigger, the best. We want to buy, we want to be entertained, we want to do whatever we want. My heart aches and I’m literally sick of it in myself. No more of this ‘baby steps’ garbage I’ve been telling myself for years when it comes to what I need vs. what I want. There is no time for baby steps. We are called to live in leaps for Christ. I want to leap. I want to run towards Him with every once of myself.
I want to say “I have everything I need”, and actually mean it. Actually live it out. Actually make others my priority in a way that means, yes, I sacrifice. But when I start talking about the things I can sell – heads shake. It’s radical… it’s weird. No, it’s not – it’s required.
I long to want for nothing so I can
intentionally hold on to what really matters.
I want to hold dear and smell long the little potted Basil plants our children made for Mother’s Day. They were so proud to give this simple gift. So joyful, bounding from Sunday School with colorful mugs in their little hands. I want to savor these simple gifts, given in such pure, unconditional love, and know I have all I need.
I want to memorize what it’s like to watch our children scooping for tadpoles and playing with frogs. Their innocence. Their ease with nature. Their need for nothing that comes in packaging or with a price tag. I want to be all there and just engage. Stop cleaning, stop fixing, stop doing and just be. Just be in this mindset of, “I have all I need”. I want to live in this child-like state of complete contentment and awe of God’s creation.
We are called to truly live in an “I have all I need” mentality for a reason. It frees us from the bondage of consuming. It opens our eyes and ears to the Lord. And it frees us to wildly give of our time, money, resources, and every other little thing He calls us to let go of – so we can cling to the precious, the eternal.
On the journey… never there, Cassandra