I think this is the first Christmas since I’ve been married that I’ve been in a really good place. I mean, really good. My eyes are wide open. I’m trying hard to see everything, every little thing for the gift it is. Right now, three children busily prepare a basement camp-out to eat lunch in… Celtic Christmas quietly hums through our home. We just finished baking big batches of Sugar Cookies together. The lights are sparkling, the candles are lit… this moment, my heart sighs happily. If ever there was an “I’m there” moment – it’d be now. I’m here. I’m at that place. My ego pumps up a bit at the calm in our cheery little home. ‘What a great job I’ve done’ is the unclarified thought in the back of my hard head.
Then, right then, a sister screams and a crash – kids are fighting again. Big brother hits little one… sister retaliates… a three-year-old has blood coming from his eye and older siblings flee the scene. And I’m quick to anger. “WHAT NOW?!?” Nothing. “Why can’t you guys just be peaceful and get along!!?!” No answer. I’m yelling now- ranting, actually. “I get so frustrated with the arguing lately. Guys, honestly! Simon, what is going on? What happened? Audrey? What’s the deal? What happened to Alex’s eye??? GUYS?!”
I cradle a wailing child and feel my neck ache from tension.
Wait – where is my moment?
I was there! You know, that self-proclaimed “THERE”! And I heave a different sigh now – one of exasperation rather than satisfaction as two older kids come and stand in a row staring at this Mother they’ve been given. I’m so imperfect but I’m learning. I shake my head and ask them to please keep their hands to themselves when they are angry, this is how accidents happen, afterall! (chuckle…I do sound like a Mom…)
Alex’s eye is fine, he’s laughing and running now. We move forward. And I close my eyes, begging God for His grace. When quiet comes momentarily again, I’m realizing that even the chaos is for rejoicing in. I can’t ‘get there’. I never will. I’m me. And I suck most of the time. Let’s be real… we’re human and our parenting is anything but ideal at times. But He can take me and in Him, I can find the Good Place He has made for me, right in the middle of this CRAZY place. Where my imperfections become points of submission and crazy prayer… and at times, insane, falling to my knees, banging a fist prayer… but that’s the Good Place. When the days are imperfect and crazy, but still Holy… that’s the Good Place.
It doesn’t have to be a perfect place… I know, I know…
It just has to be a moving-forward, learning, realizing I can’t do it, and then leaning-on-God Place.
Be Blessed today friends… writing to you from a quiet couch while three kids sleep off sickness… and yes, still grasping for those Good Places, today, and always.
In Grace and Love,
LINKED IN: A Holy Experience