I’ve always unknowingly trained myself to hate the unexpected. Order. My Dad raised me with order- or he tried. Bless his heart, he now lives the unexpected life of service to everyone and anyone around him. But in our house, when I was young, we didn’t touch the walls (especially not with sticky hands) because, indeed, ‘the walls held up themselves!’. Everything in it’s place and a place for every thing. But, I’ve grown. And for the past seven years I’ve been wondering where the order flew to? Is there an island somewhere I’m unaware of… the habitat where my former brain is kept captive?
I kid. But somehow, I got blessed with this crazy, hectic, unbelievable whirlwind of a life. When people ask me my age, I have to count, because it feels like a decade of my life has passed and I’m desperately clinging to the moments in hopes of not missing it.
Everything was unexpected.
I never expected to be married. Have kids. (Let alone 3 children in 4 years.) Live in this God-given woodland neighborhood where creek walks are a daily adventure. To be educating our children at home… me? Who am I?
I never expected a pouring of God’s grace so strong I can barely swim with it, or against it. Though there are times I’ve tried.
I never expected to be the one in the Grocery Store fuming while chasing running kids, running, not listening kids. “STOP! AH… Uh… PARKING LOT! Hello?! Guys!!!” And the people stare, like I used to, thinking, “…what a horrible Mother.” I mean really, can’t she get control of her kids?
I never expected to have such painful ups and downs in marriage. So painful, I can barely breath at times. So unexpected and surreal that I wonder if I’m in a dream when my husband reveals truths I didn’t want to know.
But, Jesus… Jesus… He is the most unexpected of all. How He shows up when I never thought He would. He holds me when I’m falling and craddles me when I’m on the floor. He weaves a deep red fabric between husband and wife and all can be restored.
I never expected to have to be an adult. I mean, REALLY have to be an adult. But I think it’s too late to protest. It’s time to be real about what I’ve been made for and the unexpected purpose God has for all our lives. The truth has hit the shore line and there it will sit until I scoop it up and accept it. I surrender fully and have myself chizzeled from clay and molded sometimes gleefully, sometimes hesistantly, sometimes kicking and screaming.
But I trust and I know that the results of growth will be another grace-filled, crazy ‘unexpected’ that continues on until the day I leave this earth… never done changing, never done pressing on… never done being surprised by God’s plan and mercies… ever flowing… always falling on us… always changing… always perfect.